Different Streams

All through my graduation or till 2009/2010, I had my circle of friends with whom I constantly engaged in conversations, enjoy arguing with them over various topics, maybe because we were all at a similar stage/priorities/mental/maturity levels and being together on a day-to-day basis. 

Thereafter, I was the only one who got placed in a MNC company in India and my entire close circle left for their Masters in USA. Even though we all were thousands of miles apart, I never felt things have changed in our phone conversations during one on one but then in group calls I realized that they all are at a different frequency – which is quite obvious given that all of them were meeting each other or engaging in similar activities for their studies or trips. But I never bothered about it since it was just over phone/video calls. 

The very first time I came to USA in Dec 2014, meeting a lot of them in 2015 as well, I realized I am the odd person out. They have found their own group of new friends, indulging in a lot of common topics, arguments, teasing each other for their lives during Masters and lot of others things. 

After coming back in 2022 again to USA, catching up with them I realized I could rarely make active conversations or contribute to an ongoing topic. Hardly 2 or 3 times I felt being part of the group but otherwise am now merely a bystander/spectator smiling (or forced) or observing them. 

I see they blended well, along with their families + kids while my forced stay away from USA from 2018 to 2022 for about 4 and ½ years meant the gap grew a lot in terms of families, kids, settlement, financial status, and blah blah blah. 

Sometimes, I feel I am standing at cross roads watching all others zooming away. 

For a fact, I never felt any peer pressure but I must admit that now there are times (although its last only some seconds) I see that. Movies are my biggest saviors at all times and divert my mind from a lot of external pressures. 

Note:

• Being the only person from my college to join the MNC Company and the training batch, there is a stark difference of how I am with my training batch mates and how I was with my friends before 2010. I made friends with lot of new people. Even in a group of 10 to 15 members of my batch mates, I constantly felt very much involved in the group conversations. I felt at home during those 6 months of my training time. But like all bad things end, so do good things. After the end of 6 month training, the whole batch split away to multiple projects/places and it was never the same – like my friends before 2010.
• 4th December, 2014 was the day I travelled to USA (SFO) – will save this for another fine day

Eternal Movie - 96

 Some of my thoughts, which are being penning down here, might have been covered in my friend’s article 

https://sidbharati.blog/2019/10/12/one-year-of-96/

but nevertheless; this is my version about the movie.

1 - Nenokkadine movie haunted me for about 3 or 4 months before I moved on. But for 96, I am still in the process of moving on, much better now.

Why do I love the movie so much? Should be only because of the director. He has lived, given his soul not only to Jaanu & Ram characters but everyone else in the movie, while penning down the script and during the movie making. As many people said, good movies happen no one can plan it. There are so many things that I keep discovering after repeated watching of 96. I just loved the detailing of the movie. The entire team has taken utmost care in continuity, camera work, locations, costumes, casting (school included) and more. The director should have written a back story about the characters apart from what was shown in the movie – like their family backgrounds, Jaanu’s life, what they were doing after, what they were doing in all these years of separation. Otherwise it is difficult to portray or convince the audience about the platonic love of Jaanu & Ram.  Music & background score have taken the movie to another level.

1. When the students arrive, Ram will be telling them from 9 to 6 it’s a photo session, not to speak with anyone, chatting or WatsApp – This could be an indirect message to audience as well to watch 96 movie without any such diversions
2. There will be a black color photo frame in the rear seat - hero and the girl at the driving seat. The same black photo frame is seen on the bedroom wall of the hero’s home, later in the second half of the movie
3. The girl's deep looks towards the hero reveal us that she admires him so much but cannot express her feelings to him
4. The hero is never cheerful with his students, always serious in the class. But when he is at Thanjavur outskirts, he starts speaking more with his student about the town. After all these days, his original self woke up from a deep slumber once he encountered the places he was born, roamed around when he was a kid, teenager
5. Inclusion of 90s actors – Janakraj (school watchman) & Kavithalaya Krishnan - barber (did not know his name but he was a familiar face in many Tamil movies which were dubbed into telugu during 80/90s) was a special touch. As my friend told, the original idea was to make people nostalgic about 90’s again and so they were casted in the movie
6. Ram writing Jaanu’s name on the beach after the first song – he is living with the memories of Jaanu wherever he goes, whatever he does, every day, every night
7. The moment when Ram gets to know that Jaanu is expected to reach the venue shortly, the background noise and music fades out slowly with his deep breath dominating. On hearing Jaanu’s name, the cosmos around him stops functioning and thoughts of Jaanu fills his mind & heart. Same thing happens with Jaanu. Both travel back to the times of their good old days
8. When 2 people anticipate a meeting each other for a long time and finally the moment arrives, there could be coldness/awkwardness to make a conversation initially. Ram cannot look into the eyes of Jaanu – like old days, feeling shy. This scene was beautifully shot with a big display screen in the background as they try to make a conversation. Is the director portraying through the display screen with flickering colors that they are the thoughts in their hearts, dancing all around excitedly, so many thoughts criss crossing and not able to digest this moment? As their friends’ remark, they started from where they have ended in 1996
9. All through the movie, there is a track of time – in car, mobiles etc
10. There is no lust between them, no physical desires. It is all about love that cannot be explained in words. A small gesture – hands together on the gear rod, Jaanu kissing the paper print of the ticket that Ram has booked, Ram’s look towards Jaanu when the flight is ready for boarding. No words between them. No hugs, no kisses. Just silence, drops of tears, sadness from eyes
11. A fraction of second pause from Ram before closing the suitcase – now with Jaanu’s dress
12. Ram’s love & care for Jaanu: I would compare it with the love of Lord Krishna & Radha. Ram admires, adores, and worships Jaanu. His love is not a physical one but above all - platonic. As told in Guna movie, “ఇది మనుషులు అర్థం చేస్కునేందుకు మాములు ప్రేమ కాదు.. అగ్ని లాగ స్వచ్చమైనది”. Every small gesture, subtle looks, minor actions show that Ram treats Jaanu as a Goddess, Princess. Samples:
1. Ram leaves the table as soon as Jaanu says she did not eat anything inflight. Serves some food on to the plate, wipes the plate clean before handing it to Jaanu. Keeps a napkin and handing over it to Jaanu when she is done. When he is about to eat in the same plate given back by Jaanu, he hesitates for a moment before having a spoonful. He might have thousands of thoughts of what to do when he meets Jaanu again and this could be one among them. This could be one of the moments he waited for all these 22 years.
2. Jaanu is left handed. When Ram places the plate for Jaanu, he turns the fork towards her left hand side
3. Like a servant, like a devotee, every time, Ram opens & closes the car doors. Wonder if they had married, would he ever let her do any work? Hypothetical question isn’t it?
4. Ram is shown as driving out from the airport. Exactly half of the front windshield is filled with a whitish shade at the side where Jaanu was seated previously. Slowly, the entire shade covers the windshield. Is the directory saying that half of Ram’s soul – Jaanu has left again or Jaanu’s thoughts have filled in Ram again? It is all about interpretation.
5. Carrying Jaanu’s bag to airport and keeping with him until the check in

I can go on like this, speak about each frame, each scene, explain the details in it, what could have been the director’s perception/conviction on the scene. Blah blah blah.

Some things are best to be felt and not necessarily in words, just like 96..

======= * =======

Man loves the idea of loving a woman more than how much he loves the woman herself and that's why he loves her more when she's away than when she's with him - Rgv

Kids Series – 2

If you have Kids:

• Be ready to be awake till 1 am or get up at odd timings like 2.30 am or 3.30 am- the golden hour of sleeping or sleep constantly only one side to comfort them in their sleep when you hear a sound- atleast for the initial 3 or 4 years
• Watching them constantly untill they are mature enough not to put something in the mouth - like a coin, dice, pins, small balls and the list gets never ending or mature enough to climb, be stable and not to fall from chair or a kitchen platform
• Keep hearing their sudden shouts, cries, but still be able to concentrate on your work - office or home 
• Make time for their homework, prepare them for exams or any other school (extra curricular) activities 
• Wake them up every morning, tolerate the stubbornness in not getting up, otherwise staying in restroom for 15 mins, sitting there and doing nothing when the time is running out
• Keep convincing, arguing with them for small or big things, no matter what 
• Make them to eat the food or feed them with your own hands by watching crazy YouTube videos, thrice a day and more than an hour each time, including asking them to chew the food (otherwise which could end up on being only one side of the mouth as big bump on the cheek)
• Do not have food in peace for atleast 10 mins, be ready to get up and run behind the kid just in case
• When the kid catches a common cold, oh gosh, especially when the kid is like 1 and half years to 2 or 3 years old when they do not understand what is going on then brace for impact !! Not taking the medicine or puke out when it is administered/water/food/milk and be sleep deprived until the kid gets better 
• Try to match their energies at the fag of the day when your eyes are half shut, motor skills being sluggish and just waiting to crash on bed
• Face ever increasing complexities and responsibilities of job, career, along with bringing up a new life, schools, college…. Gosh!!
• Ready to give up / compromise your basic elements, like eating food in peace , watch a movie with out a disturbance for atleast x number of initial years

P.S: Above points are purely subjective. May or may not be applicable to all

Get ready to open a can of worms !!

Kids Series – 1: Agree to disagree

 Not a disclaimer: This is a not work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or dead, or actual events are purely intentional.

After some minor arguments over a period of time, one fine day: 

Wife: I want a 2^nd kid

Husband:  I don’t want a 2^nd kid

W: WTF !! 

H: Yes

W: Why?

H: Multiple reasons. I don’t want to see you go through that whole painful process again. Moreover, I am concerned about the future. Let us give the best to the kid we have. Let us settle down also, you get a life

W: I can start my career at any time later but my age is increasing, it will be more complicated if it gets delayed further

H: I don’t see in the farthest horizon of you doing something for yourself in the next 5 years atleast, if you have a 2^nd kid and then it is impossible. Don’t you see how difficult it is to manage the first one? I don’t see the end of the tunnel and you are up for 2^nd one. Don’t you see how expensive it has become? I am not even remotely interested to give another life. I don’t want to commit a second mistake

W: I have heard and seen lot of cases where 2^nd one was is quite opposite to the 1^st one. And raising a single kid affects the kid’s mentality. Will not know sharing. Will be left alone. We have to engage the kid if there is no sibling

H: I don’t know what is this kid will be alone thing? Kid will have friends

W: Having a sibling is different. They will be together and rely upon one another in needy times. You will not understand

H: Yeah, maybe I can understand after 100 years. So you want to go through the entire process of delivery a kid, having seen how painful it is after delivery, taking care of the baby ?

W: YES

H: What if the 2^nd kid turns out to be more annoying than the 1^st one? Does not eat? 

W: Nope, based on what I heard, what I saw, 2^nd kids are not at all like 1^st one

H: Are you crazy? That is bull shit theory

W: Blah blah blah 

H: Blah blah blah




Yet, after another set of days, nights, H succumbed, went ahead with W's desire.




Post delivery – for 1 week:

W: Oh my GOD, I thought it would not be painful to this extent. I cannot bear this

H: Blank stare

W: My cousin told me that 2^nd delivery would be easy. Nothing to worry. This is so painful.

H: Blank stare

W: (crying) I don't get sleep during nights. I am getting crazier due to lack of sleep

H: Blank stare




After an year of birth:

W: Oh my gosh I cannot run behind the 2^nd one. I am dying to manage these 2 kids with you being busy in office work. I don't have the energy

H: Blank stare

W: Kid is not even interested to eat, drinks only milk. 1^st one atleast had food till a point of time obediently. I am suffering to make her eat something

H: Blank stare 

W: I am not even having a 30 mins of time for myself

H: Blank stare

W: I am not getting enough sleep; the kids do not even sleep peacefully. Have to watch them over even after they fall asleep

H: Blank stare

W: 2^nd one is more dangerous than the 1^st one. 1^st one never did things like these. 2^nd one is more naughty, destructive mindset than the 1^st one. I never thought the 2^nd kid would be like this

H: Blank stare

W: It is all because of you. You had all these thoughts in your mind and that is how the seed came 

H: !!?? 




(Never) to be concluded…




P. S: 

ఇవాళ బాగున్నది రేపు బాగుండకపొవచ్చు, ఇవాళ బాగాలేనిది రేపు బాగుండొచ్చు - కొత్త బంగారు లోకం

Switching

After my 2 initial years of working in first company, my training batch-mates started trickling out. After watching them, hearing their stories, idea of resigning got planted in my head, imagining the conversation I would have with my manager, any negotiations to retain me owing to the fact that I am a 'critical' resource. But then for that moment to happen, I had to wait for almost 4 more years.

Now after 2 company resignations, and one voluntary project release, realized that the only fun part is putting the papers, conversation with manager, notice period and the wait for the last day. That is where the excitement ends. As RGV told - 'Man loves the idea of loving a woman more than how much he loves the woman herself and that's why he loves her more when she's away than when she's with him'. 

In other words, anticipation is much more exciting than reality. 

This part hit me hard on my recent switch. I was always fantasizing about joining a particular company, but then when the day came, it all seemed to be normal. Mind starts thinking about ways to blend into the new company, new project after coming out of comfort zone. Even the excitement of receiving the offer letter lasted for just a day. I do not know how things would have been if everything was normal but due to COVID situation, there is a continued work from home policy, for almost all the companies. Maybe due to this I feel everything is the same again ? Do not know !!

Anyway I thank GOD for this opportunity in these times especially. If not for this, I would have been more depressed.  

"If you get it, you lost it" - Tanikella Bharani

Goals – No way !

A while ago, my friend’s brother co founded a company. When my friend texted this to me, I was very happy to hear the news. I asked him – why not you or why not me? Why do we not have such goals/ambitions? It is not about starting a company but do something of your interest other than go to office. But then we laughed off at that thought and convinced ourselves – every one need not think like that.

After a long time, in the last quarter of 2019, I read a book - biography of Mr. G R. Gopinath by borrowing it from the office library. Very impressive and an inspirational journey. After completing it, I was in retrospection. Why is it that I am a normal office guy? Why I do not have such broader mindset of doing something in life? Like hero Venkatesh in Nuvvu Naaku Nachav movie am I content with a good movie, food and travel? I never thought what I should do.

I can list some reasons why I am a normal guy.

Sports/Games: I was reluctantly selected into the cricket team during my school days. I would be the last but one to be selected into the team, that too after insistence by my friend who said – he is a good slip fielder. I would invariably run to fetch the ball instead of catching and my throw was weak – even now. But then during my 7, 8, 9, 10 classes I started playing cricket regularly and there were rare glimpses of my skills at batting & fielding. But then never took it seriously. Chess – no way, it is a brain game. Played carroms well.

Acting/Dancing/Singing: During my school days, till my 5^th standard, I was regularly part of stage skits, dramas – Telugu, English, Hindi, group & solo dance performances. Truly I used do perform well. After joining 6^th class in a different school, was never part of such events (except for a couple of times). That was the end of it. Went to music classes unwillingly but then stopped attending it after Jantaswaralu was complete. I remember my music teacher saying to my parents and others that I sing well. Why did I stop? Do not know. I simply walked up to my mother and declared one day that I do not intend to continue.

Movies: Why did I not get into movies? Anything in movies probably would be okay with me. After reading, seeing lot of interviews by actors, directors, etc., I realized that this passion or identifying the passion should have been there before I joined my graduation. Speaking to parents is a different thing but I, myself did not know what to do after my +2 except for taking up engineering.

Engineering: Computers or Electronics? If electronics , you can get a job in computers also but then if you take computers, you can secure job only in software – ha ha ha this was the end of it as my friend & sister told. Securing job after engineering was the only goal. Mind was not thinking about anything else. So why chose computers? Passion for coding? Nope ! Since I did not have a clear idea, I joined computer engineering, similarly like standing infront of a local train in Mumbai or Chennai – you need not walk, people can push you into the train. Now after 10 + years of software industry, I am like jack-of-all-trades, master of none. My friend says – this is enough to survive. I don’t know if I have to agree or disagree.

Stocks/Shares/Credit Cards offers/Discounts: I keep hearing from my friends or colleagues saying he is good at shares, good at getting good deals, good at extracting benefits of credit card usage. But for me none of these apply. Somehow I do not have that inclination. 

No real inspiration/guidance: After reading the biography of Gopinath, watching interviews of various imminent personalities, there was some teacher, a friend or someone or some incident which inspired them to do something, set a goal and work for it other than following herd mentality. I was in a normal school, normal college. Engineering was not done in NITs or IITs where distinct people will surround you. Is this the reason? Lack of exposure or maturity? Don’t know. Very handful of my friends wanted to do something and tried for it.

Make your passion/interests your job: The things which I enjoy doing most are eating, watch a movie, traveling. Do not know how to make a job out of them.

Everyone has a hidden talent – a line repeated in many movies. I laugh at this. 

P.S: My deepest desire is to become a writer

Random Truths of Life

There are lot of statements/sayings from our elders, friends, books, movies and probably many other sources. Did not give a serious thought to many of them until now. Some of them are making sense to me.

• కొనేటప్పుడు జీడిపప్పు రేటు, అమ్మే అప్పుడు కందిపప్పు రేటు చెప్తారు

• ఏడు తరాలు అటు, ఏడు ఇటు చూసి పెళ్ళి చెసుకోవాలి

• అయ్యో పాపం అంటే మనకే ఆరు నెలల పాపం చుట్టుకుంటుంది

• మంచి చేయకపొయినా పరవాలేదు, చెడు మాత్రం చేయకుడడు 

• Love is blind 

• బొమ్మరిల్లు movie

• Anticipation is much more exciting than reality

• Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder 

• Health is wealth 

• Everything happens for a reason

• Sometimes the past catches up with you whether you like it or not.

• Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you are going to get

• జీవితం ఎవరినీ ఒదిలిపెట్టదు, అందరి సరదా తీర్చేస్తుంది

May be continued....

“I am only responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand” - RGV