Switching

After my 2 initial years of working in first company, my training batch-mates started trickling out. After watching them, hearing their stories, idea of resigning got planted in my head, imagining the conversation I would have with my manager, any negotiations to retain me owing to the fact that I am a 'critical' resource. But then for that moment to happen, I had to wait for almost 4 more years.

Now after 2 company resignations, and one voluntary project release, realized that the only fun part is putting the papers, conversation with manager, notice period and the wait for the last day. That is where the excitement ends. As RGV told - 'Man loves the idea of loving a woman more than how much he loves the woman herself and that's why he loves her more when she's away than when she's with him'. 

In other words, anticipation is much more exciting than reality. 

This part hit me hard on my recent switch. I was always fantasizing about joining a particular company, but then when the day came, it all seemed to be normal. Mind starts thinking about ways to blend into the new company, new project after coming out of comfort zone. Even the excitement of receiving the offer letter lasted for just a day. I do not know how things would have been if everything was normal but due to COVID situation, there is a continued work from home policy, for almost all the companies. Maybe due to this I feel everything is the same again ? Do not know !!

Anyway I thank GOD for this opportunity in these times especially. If not for this, I would have been more depressed.  

"If you get it, you lost it" - Tanikella Bharani

Goals – No way !

A while ago, my friend’s brother co founded a company. When my friend texted this to me, I was very happy to hear the news. I asked him – why not you or why not me? Why do we not have such goals/ambitions? It is not about starting a company but do something of your interest other than go to office. But then we laughed off at that thought and convinced ourselves – every one need not think like that.

After a long time, in the last quarter of 2019, I read a book - biography of Mr. G R. Gopinath by borrowing it from the office library. Very impressive and an inspirational journey. After completing it, I was in retrospection. Why is it that I am a normal office guy? Why I do not have such broader mindset of doing something in life? Like hero Venkatesh in Nuvvu Naaku Nachav movie am I content with a good movie, food and travel? I never thought what I should do.

I can list some reasons why I am a normal guy.

Sports/Games: I was reluctantly selected into the cricket team during my school days. I would be the last but one to be selected into the team, that too after insistence by my friend who said – he is a good slip fielder. I would invariably run to fetch the ball instead of catching and my throw was weak – even now. But then during my 7, 8, 9, 10 classes I started playing cricket regularly and there were rare glimpses of my skills at batting & fielding. But then never took it seriously. Chess – no way, it is a brain game. Played carroms well.

Acting/Dancing/Singing: During my school days, till my 5^th standard, I was regularly part of stage skits, dramas – Telugu, English, Hindi, group & solo dance performances. Truly I used do perform well. After joining 6^th class in a different school, was never part of such events (except for a couple of times). That was the end of it. Went to music classes unwillingly but then stopped attending it after Jantaswaralu was complete. I remember my music teacher saying to my parents and others that I sing well. Why did I stop? Do not know. I simply walked up to my mother and declared one day that I do not intend to continue.

Movies: Why did I not get into movies? Anything in movies probably would be okay with me. After reading, seeing lot of interviews by actors, directors, etc., I realized that this passion or identifying the passion should have been there before I joined my graduation. Speaking to parents is a different thing but I, myself did not know what to do after my +2 except for taking up engineering.

Engineering: Computers or Electronics? If electronics , you can get a job in computers also but then if you take computers, you can secure job only in software – ha ha ha this was the end of it as my friend & sister told. Securing job after engineering was the only goal. Mind was not thinking about anything else. So why chose computers? Passion for coding? Nope ! Since I did not have a clear idea, I joined computer engineering, similarly like standing infront of a local train in Mumbai or Chennai – you need not walk, people can push you into the train. Now after 10 + years of software industry, I am like jack-of-all-trades, master of none. My friend says – this is enough to survive. I don’t know if I have to agree or disagree.

Stocks/Shares/Credit Cards offers/Discounts: I keep hearing from my friends or colleagues saying he is good at shares, good at getting good deals, good at extracting benefits of credit card usage. But for me none of these apply. Somehow I do not have that inclination. 

No real inspiration/guidance: After reading the biography of Gopinath, watching interviews of various imminent personalities, there was some teacher, a friend or someone or some incident which inspired them to do something, set a goal and work for it other than following herd mentality. I was in a normal school, normal college. Engineering was not done in NITs or IITs where distinct people will surround you. Is this the reason? Lack of exposure or maturity? Don’t know. Very handful of my friends wanted to do something and tried for it.

Make your passion/interests your job: The things which I enjoy doing most are eating, watch a movie, traveling. Do not know how to make a job out of them.

Everyone has a hidden talent – a line repeated in many movies. I laugh at this. 

P.S: My deepest desire is to become a writer

Random Truths of Life

There are lot of statements/sayings from our elders, friends, books, movies and probably many other sources. Did not give a serious thought to many of them until now. Some of them are making sense to me.

• కొనేటప్పుడు జీడిపప్పు రేటు, అమ్మే అప్పుడు కందిపప్పు రేటు చెప్తారు

• ఏడు తరాలు అటు, ఏడు ఇటు చూసి పెళ్ళి చెసుకోవాలి

• అయ్యో పాపం అంటే మనకే ఆరు నెలల పాపం చుట్టుకుంటుంది

• మంచి చేయకపొయినా పరవాలేదు, చెడు మాత్రం చేయకుడడు 

• Love is blind 

• బొమ్మరిల్లు movie

• Anticipation is much more exciting than reality

• Beauty lies in the eyes of beholder 

• Health is wealth 

• Everything happens for a reason

• Sometimes the past catches up with you whether you like it or not.

• Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one you are going to get

• జీవితం ఎవరినీ ఒదిలిపెట్టదు, అందరి సరదా తీర్చేస్తుంది

May be continued....

“I am only responsible for what I say. I am not responsible for what you understand” - RGV

సంపూర్ణత - నీ వల్ల

Below are some of the lines translated to Telugu from English based on the extract shared by my friend through his post. Grammar తప్పులు ఉంటే మన్నించండి, అసలు అర్థమే తప్పు అనుకుంటే క్షమించండి. ఇక కానివ్వండి:

ఇప్పటి నన్ను నా గతంతో పొల్చి చూస్తే నువ్వు నాకు ఎంతగానో అపురూపం. 

ఇలాంటి సందర్భాలలో నేను ఎంతగా ఎదిగానో, నీ వల్ల ఎంత నెర్చుకున్నానో అర్థం అవుతుంది. 

నీ వల్ల నా వ్యక్తిత్వం ఒక మంచి రూపాన్ని సంతరించుకుంది.

మొదటి సారి నిన్ను cinema హాల్లో చుసినపుడే నీ ప్రేమ లో పడ్డాను.. ప్రేమికుడిని అయ్యాను.. ఆకాశ వీధిలో ఎగురుతున్న పక్షులు ఆగిపొవడం.. సముద్రపు అలలు స్తంబించిపోవడం.. కాలం కూడా ఎమిటి ఈ వింత అన్నట్టు నా కోసం వేచి ఉండటం.. నా హ్రుదయం ఎప్పుడూ లేనట్టుగ నన్ను వొదిలేసి గగనంలో విహరించడం.. ఇవన్నీ నిన్ను చుసిన తొలిచూపు లో జరిగాయి అని చెప్పడం అతిశయొక్తి కాదేమొ..!

నా ఈ సూన్యం అయిన మనసులో, నీ గురించి ఎన్నో ప్రశ్నలు నింపుకుంది, నీ గురించి తెలుసుకోవాలి అని నా మనస్సు ఎంతగానో తహ తహ లాడింది.

నీతో మట్లాడకుండా, కేవలం దూరంగా ఉండి చూడడానికి ఎన్నో సార్లు తరగతి ఎగ్గొట్టిన విషయం నాకు ఇంకా గుర్తుంది.

నీ గురించి నిరాఘాటంగా మాట్లాడి ఇంకెన్నో సార్లు నా స్నేహితులు “వొద్దు రా భగవంతుడా.. ఇక ఆపు” అని విసుగు తెప్పించిన వేళలు ఉన్నాయి.

మనము కలిసేది వారానికి ఒక్క సారి, అది కుడా కొన్ని గంటలు అయినా సరే, ఎప్పుడూ నేను విచారించలేదు. ఆ కొన్ని గంటల కోసం మళ్ళీ మళ్ళీ రావటానికి అయినా సిద్దంగా ఉంటాను అని నా మనస్సాక్షి తెలుసు.

నేను ఒక పిచ్చి వాడిని అని, కాలము వృధా చెస్తున్నాను అని నా చుట్టూ ఉన్నవాళ్ళ గట్టి నమ్మకం, వాళ్ళ మాటలు నిజం అయి ఉండొచ్చు, నీ వల్ల నేను ఎంతగా ప్రేరింప పడ్తానో వాళ్ళకి ఎంత చెప్పిన అర్థం కాదు.

నీ పట్ల నేను ప్రేమానురాగాలు చూపించినా, నిన్ను విడిచి ఉండలేక విచారించినా, కొంత సేపు మాత్రమే కలిసి ఉన్నాను అని విరహ వేదన అనుభవించి కళ్ళ వెంట నీళ్ళు తిరిగినా, నిన్ను సరిగ్గా చూసుకోలేకపొయాను అని నా మీద నాకు కోపం వొచ్చినా, కలవటం వీలు కాకుండా ఉన్నందుకు నిరాశ చెందినా, ఈ నవరశాలు అన్నీ కలకలిసి నన్ను ఒక మనిషిగా సంపూర్ణతనిచ్చాయి.

భావ ప్రకటన భాష వల్లే తన అందాన్ని సంతరించుకుంటుంది అని నా విశ్వసం.

సినిమాల పట్ల నా ప్రేమ గురించి వివరిస్తున్నా.. ఆ ప్రేమానందం వెనక ఒక కారణం ఉంది.

Dwindling interests

Once upon a time, watching a movie (primarily Telugu movies) was a very normal, casual thing. Along with my friend, go to a movie theatre nearby, buy a ticket for 55 or 35 rupees, have a cool drink for 15 rupees, come back home by walk discussing about the movie watched. Our dresses were very casual – like the ones which we wear at home or to a vegetable market. I used to make fun of people who come to a movie theatre dressed well. This was an activity almost every week and month.

After I joined my job, this was still a routine. There were times when I watched 2 or 3 shows back to back starting from a matinee show, all by myself. If I would not watch a movie by the weekend, it would be a restless time in the week coming after.

I made a count of the movies that I have watched in 2019 at a theater – 4 (3 Telugu + 1 English). Then I went to wiki pages to find out the number of Telugu movie releases last year (2019) – around 135+.  Out of which I would have known atleast 50 or 60 movies which had notable actors/actresses/directors/production houses/interesting trailers. Upon filtering out the list, got a count of 12 movies which I was eager to watch but finally watched only 3 of them on big screen. Watched 6 on the list on TV via online streaming platforms and 2 or 3 others are readily available to watch. My watch list would be complete.

2008 -2012 myself would tell 2019 myself “You are depressing. How can you survive without watching movies in theatre?”

These are my answers to him:

Area change in 2012: We moved to a new place in city after living in other part of it for nearly 20 years. Within a radius of 3 to 4 KMs, 15 single/double screen theatres were present near the old house. Utilized this for the fullest extent – usually watched nearly all big & small movies since ticket rates are much cheaper when compared to a multiplex and involved no big planning or transportation to reach them. Ticket not found in theatre A? No problem – proceed to theatre D within 10 minutes, secure a ticket (even a black ticket costed usually 75 to 100 rupees). This flexibility was not present at the new place. I have started to be selective in watching movies.

Unexciting movie releases: Since a long time avoided movies which have tried & tested commercial formats like super rich hero & unnecessary elevations, punch dialogues, gravity defying fight sequences and the list can go on. Bored of watching weak content and comedy, entertainment only movies if not for a full action movie. These can be watched on small screen – 30 minutes a day if needed to watch. Very limited movies in the recent times have excited and made me desperate: Mahanati, 96, Jersey, Gang Leader to name some examples. Some of my favorite directors now are not making movies/making movies in a family + commercial formats/making crap movies. It is depressing to watch their movies even at home.

Ticket cost: In every big city or towns these days, multiplexes are dominating the scene. The ticket rates in Hyderabad now costing atleast 170 – 200 in multiplexes in addition with internet charges for booking a ticket online.  Even when I am alone, my heart tells me not spend money for movies. For some movies, for which I am not desperate but have desire to watch, I am okay to wait for the movie to be streamed in online streaming platforms since I have some doubts about the movie being worthy enough to watch it on big screen.

Online Streaming platforms: A movie is appearing on streaming platforms within hardly 45 days or 60 days of its theatrical release. So why I would I be spending money to watch a desirable (not desperate) movie in theater.

Conclusion:

I may be still old school, stuck in the days of standing in a ticket counter of a normal theatre with hands on smelly old railings, get tensed up if the queue is long enough, then go searching for the guy selling tickets in black if the ticket counter is closed, wait until the entry door opens, stand outside the auditorium with smells of pan spits/cigarettes filling the nostrils, feel like heaven about the sudden rush of cold air conditioned breeze on the face near the auditorium door once its opened, the dirty old curtains at the door, wait for the screen veil to go up slowly as the projector starts playing the advertisements before starting the actual movie.

I would still emphasize that watching a movie in theatre with no disturbances is the true form of respecting the movie makers who have put in so much effort to present us a movie. It’s the right way to have a good movie watching experience. My sixth sense, my desperation should tell me that a movie is worthy of my money to watch it in big screen.

"ఎంట్రో గాప్ ఇచ్చావ్?"

“ఇవ్వల.. వొచ్చింది”

పోటుగాడు in College

Disclaimer: Tried my best to recollect, pen down everything I could remember accurately. If something is wrong, I will blame it on my memory. Instead of using my friends’ names, I am using short forms.

Timing: 1^st or 2^nd quarter of 2008 – 11 and half years ago:

Those were the days when I and my friends - PP, SP, SD, NP and K started attending few off/pool campus interviews of small companies. I was not able to clear atleast the 1^st round – written test in probably 4 or 5 instances. At that time, getting placed in a company was my biggest desire.

Through JKC – a job training & placement program for engineering colleges, some students of our college were invited for a campus interview of a MNC in a college near Ghatkesar, Hyderabad. This was the first time that we all were attending the placement program of a big MNC.  We all were given hall tickets and then written exam followed. I guess it was by late evening the results were announced. As usual, I was not in the list, along with me the left outs were my friends. Only NP made it to the technical round and eventually was offered the job.

We started back from the venue to reach home by night. On the way till Uppal, in the shared auto, we were discussing of not having job placement opportunities at our own college and to compete with a large pool of students from multiple colleges. We came to a firm decision of bringing this to the notice of the higher college management by boycotting the classes.

Next day, we organized a classroom meeting – a reasonable number of students combined from different engineering streams. While we were waiting for some more to come, whoever present in the classroom started making noise, were not listening to what we wanted to say. I then raised my voice, shouted, asking them to calm down. Then followed up with a mini speech, explained some instances why we have to take this up seriously as finding job outside the college in pool/off campus interviews is difficult. They calmed down reasonably. SD, SP, K were also in the process of explaining the issues to the individual groups. PP was in background. Our seniors also told their experiences on how they tried the same thing but to see no results.

I, SP, SD, K were constantly on phones, messages even during the classes. At home also, I was constantly on phones such that my father warned me not to do anything stupid.

Finally, on 3^rd or 4^th day, after the first 2 class lectures, we all came out of the college building and sat in the lawn. I remember our principal coming out shouting at us. The next part I remember was the crowd built up near the college indoor sports building, students divided into groups and involved in arguments/discussions with the staff. At one instance, saw the principal shouting at one of the students and questioning his attendance. Immediately, I interfered in middle, shouted back at him to check my attendance, announced loudly my roll number. Also, emphasized the point that we would talk with the senior management regarding our college placements problems. Finally, we all were assured that a meeting will be held with the senior college management.   (My other friend NN told me “నువ్వు అనవసరంగ ఆవేశపడ్డావ్. Sir already ఒప్పుకున్నాడు meeting కి)

It should be after a couple of days that the management came and we all sat in a meeting hall. Handful of us explained the need of having job placement programs at our own college, disadvantages of off/pool campus etc. My friend K stated “A college like XXX which is comparable to XXX (our college) bathroom can host a placement program. Why not us?”

I do not remember what the management final response was after hearing all our grievances.

I remember PP telling me that my face turned red when I was shouting and explaining in the class in the process of controlling the crowd. I was proud and was thinking high about myself for handling them. My imagination went wild - I saw myself as a political leader in the coming future.

Note(s): 

-- I was selected by another MNC shortly after this incident through a pool campus. Well almost, surviving as a software engineer.

-- PP did his Masters in US and currently working there. Eventually he will return to India ‘one fine day’. I foresee that ‘fine day’ is not in the near future – definitely not in the next 3 years.

-- SP went to US to pursue his Masters and now settled in US. He would not come back to India.

-- SD joined a big MNC subsidiary after graduation, thereafter completed MBA, worked in some company. Currently he is taking care of 2 startups in Hyderabad.

-- The MNC which selected NP ran into a financial scandal due to which the jobs of such students were at stake. Thus NP, with steady persuasions by SP went to US for Masters and is almost settled there.

-- K went on to complete his M Tech from a renowned college and currently working in a big industrial company in India.

So as to not to forget this page in the college history of mine, published as a blog post.

నీది ఒక చరిత్ర, ఇది నువు చేసిన ఒక పెద్ద ఘన కార్యం, ఇది చరిత్ర లో కలిసి పోకూడదు అని రాయడం ఆహా - అని నేనే అనుకున్న కానీ PP చెప్పిన్నట్టు ఎవరి కథ లో వాడే hero కబట్టి నేను పోటుగాడిని